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Dear Deviant Advice
So.. ok, there’s this guy I know and he likes to help me out. He gives me money for bills, buys me stuff, whatever. He doesn’t ask me for sex or anything, he just says he likes to help out. A friend of mine at work says that I’m financially dominating him? Dunno what that means. What do you all think about this?
-MD, Minneapolis
Well MD, we actually already covered this, but figured that this might actually be a good opportunity to let one of the newest members of the Deviant Advice family have a go. So without further ado, let’s let The Pervy Geek field this one…
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Aaaaaaaaaaaaand thanks for the welcome.
So MD, it sounds like you’ve got yourself into quite the situation there. And I’m sorry to say that your friend is dead-on correct. You are financially dominating this guy. However, being that this is Deviant Advice, you know about where I’m going to go with this one…
It’s not all that bad actually. I mean, so far he’s just helping you out because it makes him feel good. It’s pretty simple and there’s not much to it, at least, not as much as you think. Below the surface, there’s potentially something a little different than just simple generosity motivating this. He probably feels somewhat connected to you on an emotional level and, basically, “buying” you helps him continue that connectedness.
Men are strange creatures (I should know, I happen to be one) and we often do things that make no real sense to anyone other than ourselves. Part of that is the mystique of a “kept woman.” Typically this doesn’t have any sort of overt sexual component to it, it’s more repressed. The guy probably feels a slight vicarious thrill in that he can “keep” you in a certain lifestyle. And yes, after each cash infusion or gift, he probably does masturbate over this. Yes, it’s probably a tiny bit icky, but at least you now have some confirmation of what was potentially already swirling around your psyche. So for you, there’s nothing sexual. But for him.. it’s quite different.
So where does this all lead? Well, situations like this can go in various directions. Some women use it as a springboard to become full-time financial dominants. They maintain websites and enjoy lush lives.. but also risk tax issues as, technically, what they get *is* income since they do provide services of some variety, usually phone sex. Then there’s other issues in that some of them actually sell products (used goods, fantasy items, etc) and that starts dipping into interstate commerce, which is tricky. So while there is a certain appeal to it, it’s also courting a large amount of risk, unless you’re comfortable letting your accountant know that you just deposited $500 into your account because 5 guys were willing to pay $100 each for your used gym shoes (seriously, this stuff happens.. Google it).
The other, darker possibility is that this guy will soon begin to want more than just to help you, he’ll want to help HIMSELF TO you. It will likely start off pretty simple: pictures of you, maybe having dinner with him, etc. Then it progresses to more complex situations.. photo shoots, long weekends, exotic vacations (if he’s well enough off), and the list goes on. No, we don’t demand sex from you, at least, not at first. He’ll hint around, make compliments, small touches here and there, more affections (hugs, etc). It will potentially progress to a point where he might actually make an ultimatum. At that point you’ll have a decision to make and, to be quite honest, it could be risky as this guy may not take rejection well. But then, it’s really hard to tell with it.
So MD, so far it doesn’t seem like you’re in a bad way. However, things could progress to a much darker and riskier point, which may be difficult to get out of. In the end though, you’re the only one who can really determine this and then make appropriate decisions. That said, so long as he seems willing, why the hell not? Crap, I’m almost tempted to start putting myself out there.. but I don’t think that there’s much of a market for pasty nerds… or is there?
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The Pervy Geek is a new member of the Deviant Advice Family and is currently developing a website. We’ll post more when he’s getting more content out there. For now, if you want to see what got TPG his start, feel free to visit his site!